Being a Good Person vs. Being Nice: Why It Matters More Than You Think
Pastor George Lehman
Good people prioritize doing what is right, whereas nice people might sacrifice morals* (sede) to avoid discomfort or conflict.
(Morals: Standards of behaviour; principles of right and wrong)
Do you ever say something like this to yourself?
“I’m a good person, but people keep taking advantage of me.”
“I’m good to everyone, but people don’t appreciate me.”
“I just want to get along with people, but it keeps backfiring.”
“I’m doing my best, but people don’t respect me.”
“I’m good to others I keep giving but I never get anything back”
“Nothing ever works out for me.”
“It always falls on me.”
There are 100s of variations of the above emotions, but you get the idea.
More importantly, do these sound/feel familiar to you?
God’s word instructs us:
Ephesians 4:32 (Amp) – “And *become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tender-hearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.”
*Become: Notice I’m not there yet, take initiative and stop waiting, start doing.
Colossians 3:12 (NIV) – “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Hebrews 13:16 – “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
If you do feel you say things like what we spoke about, I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is that most likely, you’re “nice”, not good.
There is a big difference between the two.
Nice people do nice things. It sounds noble and righteous, but it’s not.
They do it because they don’t like tension or conflict.
They do it because they want to be liked, appreciated, respected, approved of, and agreed with.
Nice people care way too much about feelings and opinions of others.
Not in an empathic, caring way, but because if they disagree with, or challenge, someone, it might impact their relationship and connection with the other person.
Theres nothing wrong with being nice to others.
However, nice people are willing to bend over backwards, compromise their own values, not be true to themselves, just to be nice and liked.
They keep doing it over and over again, sometimes for decades. But there is a big price to pay for this.
Proverbs 29:25 (NIV) – “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
One day they’ll realise they don’t even know who they are anymore because they became who others wanted them to be or what others agreed with.
And the sad part is, it doesn’t work anyway.
Nobody really likes “nice people.” Most of us know a few, and there is something about them we cannot trust because they are not genuine.
They seem to lack character, and a bit of backbone, right?
Nice people are like artificial sweetener. It’s sweet, but it has a weird aftertaste, and we will always prefer the real thing.
But nice people are not necessarily bad people.
On the contrary, they are often too nice. They don’t show or have their boundaries clearly set.
This is why others often take advantage of them and exploit them.
If you don’t set your boundaries, others will set them for you and it will be in a way that works for them, not for you.
The good news is that one can change.
One of the best quality decisions you can make with God’s help in your life is to change!
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING NICE AND BEING GOOD? (rOM 2:4 – gOODNESS OF GOD – TO REPENTANCE)
Good people do the right thing, not what feels nice or is convenient.
Good people know what their truth is and they speak it.
Good people have their values clearly defined, and they align their actions with them.
Good people are not afraid to speak up and say it how it is.
Good people are authentic.
Good people act with integrity.
Good people are willing to rock the boat and make people feel uncomfortable if that’s what it takes to do the right thing.
Good people prefer to be respected than liked (which makes them likeable as well because you always know where you stand with them).
Good people are strong because their sense of self-worth, self-respect and confidence is coming from within and not from the validation of the people around.
Good people stand up for the right thing not because they get credit for it but because it’s the right thing to do.
Good people are hard to offend because they know who they are and what others think of them doesn’t define them.
Good people don’t feel like they have to laugh at someone’s stupid jokes or offensive comments and can look in the mirror afterwards and smile.
Good people respect everyone but worship God only.
Good people follow their own path, not other people (blindly).
Being good feels great!
Galatians 6:4 (NIV) – “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,
Try stop just being a nice person!
Yes!!! being good will be uncomfortable at times and you will burn some bridges, but it requires NOT being false, having some real backbone, no inner shame, and neediness for others approval.
Work on being GOOD!
Galatians 5:22 (NIV) – “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, (Verdraagsaamheid) kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Patience and self-control.
